i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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