He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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