Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
