You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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