I hate your face
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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