Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize