Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We don't watch enough power rangers
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
