I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
