The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
