if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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