Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i think i have herpe
just one?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
