i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
