I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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