My liver just broke up with me...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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