I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
