i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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