dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My balls are so social today.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
