I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
