I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
