This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
