At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
