Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
