please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
