i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
