I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
