Christians are straight up FREAKS
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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