Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize