I am full of burrito and curiosity
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
