i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
MIDGETS
????
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize