nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
