I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
