I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize