She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
