it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
high people should be assigned attendants
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
