How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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