I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
