everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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