I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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