May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
