He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
