So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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