her vagine was all disorganized.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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