Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
