he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
