I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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