Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
