Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
