His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
