well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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