You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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