I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
