How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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