I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
