Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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