I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize