I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
