the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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