the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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