Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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