she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
