I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
