sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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