do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
