the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
