Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
