You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
