We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Holy sore nipples Batman
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
