why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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