One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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